PRINCIPLES OF
CONFLICT RESOLUTION
This informative document is sent to all parties who will be
participating in either a CORE mediation or team conflict intervention
process. It describes the mediation
process and contains a number of useful suggestions and pointers to help
individuals prepare for a productive, constructive collaborative problem
solving experience.
Principles of Conflict Resolution
1. Listen Actively
Listening is the most important part of communication. If we do not hear what the other parties are
communicating we cannot resolve a conflict.
Active listening also includes noticing what the other person is saying
with intonation and body language.
2. Think Before Reacting
The tendency in a conflict situation is to react immediately. In emergencies, fast physical reaction can
save lives. In workplace conflicts, we
may say things without thinking that damage relationships. In order to resolve conflict successfully, it
is important to consider possible outcomes.
3. Attack the Problem - NOT each other!
Conflict is very emotional. When
emotions are high, sometimes we attack the person on the other side of the
problem. What is the problem underlying the emotion? What is the cause, rather than the symptom?
4. Accept Responsibility
Every conflict has many sides.
There is enough responsibility for everyone. Attempting to place blame creates resentment
and anger. In order to resolve a
conflict, we must accept our share of the responsibility and eliminate the
concept of blame.
5. Use Direct Communication
With an "I-Message" we express our own wants, needs or
concerns to the listener. "I-
Messages" are clear and non-threatening ways to express information. Consider the differences in these “I”Messages
and “YOU”Messages:
I need feedback on my
work. [YOU didn’t give me feedback.]
I’m concerned about the
project. [YOU don’t think I care about
the project.]
I want to be part of the
team. [YOU don’t want me to be part of
the team.]
I need more information. [YOU
don’t give me enough information.]
A "YOU” Message blames or
criticizes the listener, suggesting that she or he is at fault.
6. Look for Common Interests
We are taught to verbalize what we want. To resolve conflict successfully we must
discover:
·
What
is really important about the issue in conflict to all parties?
·
Why is
a particular outcome important to all parties?
7. Focus on the Future
It is important to understand the dynamics of the relationship
including the history of the relationship.
To resolve the conflicts, we must focus on the future. What do we want to do differently
tomorrow?
The Process
I. Initiating the Process
1. The session will begin with
everyone together in a joint session, during which time the mediator(s) will
explain the process. You will be asked
to make a statement regarding the incidents that led to the issues which were
brought to the neutrals. Normally, we
begin with the person who contacted the neutrals. Each person will have
uninterrupted time to speak to the issues from their perspective.
2. During the process the
mediator(s) may meet privately with each of you to discuss specific issues.
They will continue these private meetings to assist in identifying interests
and generating options for resolving the dispute.
3. Unless the mediator(s) receive permission
from a party to discuss any comments made in the private meeting, everything
said in that private meeting will remain confidential.
4. At the conclusion of the
session, the parties may specify their points of agreement and, with the
assistance of the mediator(s), draft an agreement. Each party will sign the
document. Some agreements may require a
technical or legal review before the agreement can be put into effect.
5. If no agreement is reached,
the parties may decide to end
the session, seek more information, involve additional people, and/or
reconvene at a later date.
II. Your Role During the Session
1. Remember that it is most
helpful to communicate with the other side by looking at that party when
speaking to her/him and acknowledging that you have heard her/his comments. You
will be allowed to take notes while the other person is speaking to avoid
interrupting.
2. Even when you disagree with
her/his position, sit calmly and listen to her/his statements.
3. Try to keep the anxiety and
anger levels at a minimum.
Refrain from saying "I don't think we will ever get this resolved,”
and try to avoid hostile body language.
4. You can demonstrate an
understanding of the other side's position without agreeing with that position.
It is easier to discuss your differences after you have developed trust.
5. Refrain from using the
"tough" approach. Remember that both of you are trying to resolve
this together. A tough approach could be perceived by the other side as
diminishing his/her issues and can impede settlement.
6. If you are the person who
contacted the neutrals, be prepared to make a short, straightforward opening
statement, discussing what happened in chronological sequence. You should also
be prepared to briefly state what you see as the problem. Problems are best stated using an “I” message.
“I feel I am not being treated fairly when...” or “I believe I have been
discriminated against when...”
7. Each party should avoid
phrases that are accusatory in nature. Rather than saying “He is a dictator and
a poor manager” it is better to state something like “I feel like he attempts
to control every moment of my day”
III. Resolution Strategy.
In preparing for resolution during the session it is useful to consider
the following:
1. What are your interests,
i.e., what do you really want or need?
2. What do you think the other
side really wants or needs? Try to envision how you would react and what you
would want if you were in their situation.
3. What is realistic to ask
for?
4. Identify and list as many
creative options to resolve your issues as you can. Think of what the other
party could do to satisfy your needs, wants and interests, taking into
consideration what is feasible.
5. Prioritize the options,
allowing room for flexibility.
6. Think of what you could do
to satisfy the interests of the other side.
7. If you don't settle this dispute in session,
what are your other alternatives?
8. Of all those alternatives,
which is the best (and most realistic) one?
9. Estimate what it will COST
you if you DO NOT resolve this in session.
10. Be prepared to compare your
alternatives with what the other side offers in session and decide which is
better, considering time, cost, uncertainty, stress, etc.
11. If you can't get everything
you want, think about what you can live with, in order to get resolution now
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